Feeling the stress

Stress, for me at least, isn't just a vague panicky feeling. It is a physical manifestation... I FEEL it in my body. I feel it up my back. The unpleasant tingle of tightening muscles, of raw nerves.

This process, this stress, of buying a home. Of getting paperwork in order, waiting for inspections, waiting to see what the seller will agree to fix... waiting waiting waiting. 

Secure the loan... open up your bank account, your educational history, a million little details that supposedly tell them all they need to know about who and what we are. All they need to know to decide our future.

I feel like a scientific specimen. Flayed open, tiny pokes, constant prodding. Organs, thoughts, actions.. the minutiae of my life held up and inspected. 

Soon this roller coaster will stop and with luck we will have the house of our dreams. And while I anxiously long for that reward I cannot say I'm enjoying the ride.